There are too many funny Tommy Boy quotes to fit on just one list, but these are the ones that stand out. A classic comedy of the ’90s, Tommy Boy is one of the rare few chances we have to see Chris Farley in top form. His and David Spade’s two-hander is so enduring that it adds to the feeling that the SNL legend had a bigger movie career than the reality indicates. Thoughts on Farley’s tragic career aside, Tommy Boy is an eminently rewatchable and easily quotable film, with hilarious lines from Spade, Farley, and even Rob Lowe.
By the way, and it’s important to note, I don’t really use many of these quotes in my daily life. I’m not Abed Nadir from Community constantly referencing films. I mostly just sit in my apartment typing and occasionally yelling into my phone for a “live assistant” when my internet goes down. However, I have used some of these (or variations of them) at one time or another, and I’m sure I can conjure up some situations where they’d be appropriate in cases where I haven’t. I am a writer after all, I’m supposed to be creative. Theoretically.
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10
“Brothers Don’t Shake Hands. Brothers Gotta Hug.”
Tommy Callahan III
“Brothers don’t shake hands. Brother gotta hug“, is said by Tommy (Farley) upon first being introduced to his new stepbrother, Paul (Lowe). The handsome and charming Paul strides up to the door only to be greeted by the disheveled and delighted Tommy, who turns down the offered handshake. He’s all into this new brother thing, and he wants a hug. A hug to Tommy, by the way, is a wrestling move where he picks you up off the ground.
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It’s an excellent introduction to Tommy’s puppy-dog-like attitude and also notable physical strength, which comes into play later. Tommy is incredibly sweet, even when he’s behaving like a child. This is a great line to whip out with your own brother, of course, but it can be applied to any longtime friend or family member you haven’t seen in a while. Do away with the formalities; sometimes a hug is all we need.
9
“Poor Little Furry Thing.”
Tommy Callahan III
After Tommy and Richard hit a deer on their drive, Tommy offers up this memorable eulogy for the slain animal. Fear not, wildlife-lovers, the deer’s not actually dead. I’m pretty sure Tommy is being sentimental, honoring the animal by referring to what he probably likes best about it: its furriness. I like to imagine, though, that he’s so upset he’s actually forgotten the word deer and comes up with “furry thing”. Next time I come across some cute animal, I think I’ll refer to it as “furry thing” to check if there are any Tommy Boy lovers in the group.
It’s just a throwaway line, but it catches you off guard with its strange childishness. The deer crash does make for a jarring tone change, but Farley’s line makes sure we know that Tommy Boy is going to remain funny in the face of roadkill. Speaking of roadkill, this could be the perfect line to whip out on a long car ride if you happen to see another poor furry thing on the highway.
8
“Did I Catch a ‘Niner’ In There?”
Richard Hayden
David Spade may not have quite as many funny lines as Chris Farley in Tommy Boy, but the ones he does have are all knockouts. When he’s first getting to know Tommy, Richard gets a firsthand look at the guy he’s going to have to spend his cross-country trip with. While most people tend to go along with Tommy’s ridiculous antics and ignore him, Richard can’t help but call him out. When Tommy pretends he has called the airline, Richard makes him double down on the numbers he’s saying.
It’s a funny line that lets Spade be his usual sarcastic self, and it also shows how Richard is a bit smarter than his job suggests.
One of the numbers, “niner“, does indeed sound like walkie-talkie lingo, and it doesn’t get by Richard. It’s a funny line that lets Spade be his usual sarcastic self, and it also shows how Richard is a bit smarter than his job suggests. Furthermore, he’s willing to challenge Tommy rather than treat him like a kid. Use this line when someone’s obviously telling you a bogus story. If you’re a Philadelphia Eagles fan, use it when you walk into a bar on game day against San Francisco.
7
“Housekeeping. You Want Mint For Pillow?”
Richard Hayden
Immortalized by a Family Guy cutaway gag, “Housekeeping” is the go-to quip when you’re knocking on someone’s door, checking to see if they’re ready to go. Whether you’re at a hotel before a wedding and need people to speed up, or you’re on vacation with friends and someone is sleeping in too late, “Housekeeping” is a funny way to say, “Let’s go!“. In the scene, Richard pretends to be a housekeeper as a prank on Tommy, asleep in his motel room.
Of course, Tommy thinks it’s real, leading to the next line on this list. Richard is sarcastic and sardonic, much like Spade, but he can also be a goof and isn’t afraid to joke around, particularly when it means teasing Tommy. The voice Spade puts on is equally funny, and when you use the line yourself, it’s a game to see how high you can make your voice.
6
“Please Go Away, Let Me Sleep For The Love Of God!”
Tommy Callahan III
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I may have never said this quote outright, but something similar has certainly run through my head plenty of times. There are few things more frustrating than being cruelly awoken from a peaceful sleep, and the intense rage that only Farley was capable of matches the moods of many people who have been in a similar situation. We may not be able to yell as loudly and as long as Farley, but it’s satisfying to see someone do it.
It’s the beginning part of the quote that truly makes it funny. Tommy is so tired and so infuriated by being kept up that he’s almost near tears. It’s a reaction and a line reading that would fit perfectly if someone were threatening his life. Instead, it’s Spade threatening five more minutes of sleep time. It’s a hilariously relatable moment, but I don’t recommend using this in real life, lest no one ever volunteers to wake you up from a nap again.
5
“Did You Eat A Lot Of Paint Chips When You Were A Kid?”
Paul Barrish
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There are infinite ways to insult someone for their intelligence, but this may be one of the most memorable. While Paul sprays Tommy down after Tommy gets covered in mud from cow-tipping, he dances up and down singing “Maniac” from Flashdance, similar to the scene in the movie. When Paul stops spraying, he quips the line about paint chips. That’s funny on its own, but Tommy earnestly saying no and asking why takes it to another level.
“Eating glue” has long been a schoolyard euphemism for someone who is not too bright. The internet likes to say, “crayon eater”. We should bring back paint chips. People may be confused by the line, however, because wall paint doesn’t seem to chip like it used to. Newer paints often use latex or silicone, and adhere better to walls, so paint chips are a thing of the past. Still, it sounds enough like an insult that people should still get it.
4
“What’d You Do?”
Tommy Callahan III
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This is one quote I’ve said multiple times in my life, though I’m not sure if I learned it from Tommy Boy. “What’d you do?” is just a question that has certainly slipped out from time to time when someone makes a mistake. I would like to say that I’ve never uttered it in regard to something that is so obviously my fault, like Tommy does. After Tommy accidentally rips the door off his car, he gently places it back on and then blames Richard when Richard inevitably causes it to fall back off.
It’s such a hilarious insight into Tommy’s mind.
It’s such a hilarious insight into Tommy’s mind. He’s clever enough to realize he should not have broken the door and comes up with a rudimentary plan to pin the damage on Richard. However, he’s not smart enough to realize just how ridiculous a plan this is and how it’s wildly obvious to anyone that the door is his fault. Use this when you can find a way to blame something on a friend.
3
“Do You Know Where The Weight Room Is? I’ll Check It Out.”
Tommy Callahan III
This faux-tough guy line would have been the perfect thing to say back in college. I wish I had known it then, and whipped it out on those mornings where I wasn’t prepared for anything, least of all exercise. Tommy says this line when he spots a pretty woman by the pool, and loudly asks where the weight room is, all while flexing his muscles. He’s no ladies’ man, but if used ironically, maybe it could have worked. The fake-deep voice Tommy affects makes it clear he’s not being ironic, however.
It’s such a ridiculous line, but it’s also weirdly charming, which is a good description of Tommy himself. Farley can really do it all. He’s got physical comedy down, he can yell with the best of them, isn’t afraid to use his body for laughs, but this is just a pure joke requiring expert timing and he nails it.
2
“Well, I Should Hope So, Because I’m Laying It On Pretty Thick.”
Richard Hayden
David Spade is one of the kings of sarcasm. He is so sarcastic that characters in movies even comment on his snark. Richard isn’t thrown off at all when an attendant tells him he’s picking up on Richard’s sarcasm. Without skipping a beat, Richard lets him know that that’s the idea. It’s the type of quip I wish I were quick enough to make. I’ve never used it in conversation, though. It’s a bit too mean if someone hasn’t seen the movie. That’s the danger of repeating movie taunts and quips.
No one can talk like Spade, and Richard is a hilarious motormouth thanks to him. It’s not an easy character to replicate, so if you do plan on using the quote in your daily life, you had better practice it in the mirror a few times. Better yet, leave the sarcasm to Spade and Richard. Tommy Boy is a comedy, not a self-help book.
1
“Bees!”
Tommy Callahan III
I have yelled “bees!” before. Often, and you may be surprised to hear this, when I’ve been attacked by bees. I’ve even yelled it when there’s only been one bee, because screaming, “bee!” doesn’t have the same oomph. Tommy knows this all too well, and when he and Richard are pulled over by police officers, he has a foolproof plan: scream “bees!” and run around flapping his arms. This actually somehow works and gets the cops off their backs.
Just the word “bees” is funny. They’re actually scary insects with their painful, poisonous stingers, but they’re also cute and fluffy (little fuzzy things). Having Farley scream it and then run around showcasing his signature physicality is a comedy match made in heaven. Add in Richard playing along, and the scene is why Tommy Boy has lasted so long, while other ’90s comedy movies have been forgotten.
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Tommy Boy
PG-13
Comedy
10/10
Release Date
March 31, 1995
Runtime
98 Minutes
Director
Peter Segal
Writers
Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner
Cast
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Chris Farley
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David Spade
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Category: Entertainment