Donkey’s 25 Funniest Quotes In Shrek

The best Donkey quotes in the Shrek franchise show why the big green ogre’s noble steed is one of the funniest characters in the franchise. The film franchise –which includes six movies, one television series, and a stage musical – follows Mike Myers’ Shrek, a misanthropic ogre who gets thrust into the role of a hero. Shrek features a star-studded cast led by Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, and as Donkey, legendary comedian Eddie Murphy. The franchise takes familiar fairytales and turns them on their heads, adding in slapstick humor and larger-than-life characters not found in any other story — fairytale or otherwise.

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This includes Eddie Murphy’s head-turning performance as the annoying, gullible, and loving Donkey. While Shrek is the lead character of the franchise, there’s no way to deny Eddie Murphy’s Donkey, Shrek’s devoted and hilarious sidekick, is also a star of the films. With sharp wit, pop culture commentary, and endless enthusiasm, Donkey remains Shrek‘s secret weapon. Donkey’s quotes in the Shrek movies show him as funny and quick-witted as anyone in the franchise.

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25 “Okay, Let Me Get This Straight…”

Shrek (2001)

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8/10 8/10 Shrek PGAnimationAdventureFantasyComedyFamily

Based loosely on the children’s book of the same name by William Steig, Shrek tells the story of an ogre (Michael Myers) who sets with his new friend Donkey (Eddie Murphy) out to regain his swamp from fairytale characters. Tasked with rescuing Princess Fiona (Cameron Diaz) in return for the restoration of his solitude, Shrek discovers that he’s not the loner he always thought he was, and that looks aren’t always everything.

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*Availability in US Release Date May 18, 2001 Cast Cameron Diaz , Mike Myers , Eddie Murphy , John Lithgow Runtime 90 minutes Director Vicky Jenson , Andrew Adamson Writers Ted Elliott , Roger S.H. Schulman , Joe Stillman , Terry Rossio

Although they’re rare, there are times when Eddie Murphy’s Shrek character makes something resembling sense, such as when Shrek is ready to roar into battle and Donkey attempts to understand Shrek’s reasoning and change Shrek’s mind by explaining things as he sees them.. It’s not a bad argument, all things considered.

”
You gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad’ll give you back your swamp, which you only don’t have ’cause he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?
“

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The irony isn’t lost on Shrek either, who becomes a bit annoyed by his companion’s take on the situation, and utters the reply, “You know what? Maybe there’s a good reason donkeys shouldn’t talk.” What makes these Donkey quotes funny is Shrek’s reaction to them and Donkey’s mostly deadpan delivery, which showcases why their relationship has carried four movies and counting.

24 “Me! Me! Oh, Oh Pick Me! Oh, I Know! I Know! Me!”

Shrek (2001)

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Shrek found Donkey so irritating that he did his best to ignore him at a gathering to find out where Lord Farquaad was. After asking the crowd where he could find Farquaad, Donkey launched into a “pick me” tirade, only to be ignored by the ogre for as long as possible. Not one to be counted out, Donkey kept up the begging, leaping into the air while yelling this quote as Shrek did everything he could to pretend he was never there in the first place.

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These were perfect Donkey quotes in Shrek that showed how much Donkey wanted to be part of something, and even though Shrek wasn’t interested, Donkey never once took no for an answer. Shockingly enough for both characters, this sequence would mark the beginning of a lasting friendship.

23 “If We Ever Need An Expert On Licking Ourselves, We’ll Give You A Call.”

Shrek 2 (2004)

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8/10 8.6/10 Shrek 2 PGAdventureFantasyComedyFamilyAnimationRomance

A sequel to the classic children’s animated film, Sherk 2 follows newlywed ogre couple Sherk and Fiona, whose marriage is tested by a visit to Fiona’s parents, the king and queen of Far Far Away. Distrustful of Shrek, the king begins working with Fiona’s Fairy Godmother to break up the couple in order for Fiona to wed Fairy Godmother’s son, Prince Charming. Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, and Eddie Murphy reprise their roles as Shrek, Fiona, and Donkey, with a further cast that includes John Cleese, Julie Andrews, Jennifer Saunders, and Antonio Banderas. 

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*Availability in US Release Date May 19, 2004 Cast Eddie Murphy , Mike Myers , Rupert Everett , Antonio Banderas , Jennifer Saunders , Cameron Diaz , Julie Andrews , John Cleese Runtime 93 minutes Director Kelly Asbury , Andrew Adamson , Conrad Vernon Writers David N. Weiss , Joe Stillman , J. David Stem , Andrew Adamson

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One of the funniest parts of the Shrek franchise is the rivalry between Donkey and Puss in Boots. While trying to earn the title of best talking animal friend, they insult each other with hilarious burns. In Shrek 2, Donkey tells Puss In Boots that they’ll call him if they ever need an expert on licking themselves. This is funny mostly because Donkey is essentially minimizing the role of the sword-fighting, slick-talking cat to that of a house cat.

Additionally, it’s funny because it feels like the pot calling the kettle black. In this simple act of rejecting Puss in Boots, he’s displaying the common donkey behavioral traits of being territorial and stubborn. This adds a second layer of hilarity to the quote. Ultimately, the characters are both a product of their species and so much more than that. Despite their great banter, the two work best when they see each other as equals with their own respective strengths and weaknesses.

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22 “In The Morning, I’m Making Waffles!”

Shrek (2001)

As soon as Donkey unexpectedly shows up in Shrek’s life, he proves himself to be a bouncing, endless ball of positivity and enthusiasm, which stands in direct conflict with Shrek’s general air of grumpiness. That, of course, is what makes the two of them such a perfect comedic duo. After Donkey makes it clear that he intends to live in Shrek’s swamp, he details his great plans for their future.

While Shrek isn’t interested in being friends with the talkative little donkey from the get-go, Donkey confirms the two of them are going to be best friends forever from that moment on. Their first night together, according to Donkey, will consist of “stay[ing] up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I’m making waffles!” This particular line, partly because of Eddie Murphy’s tone when he says it, has become one of the most famous in the franchise.

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21 “We Wear Our Fear Right There On Our Sleeves.”

Shrek (2001)

Early on in the first Shrek film, Donkey fixates on the notion of ogres having layers, like onions and parfaits, as well as countless other things. It’s a metaphor that Shrek and Donkey both refer to throughout the film after that first back-and-forth discussion, but Donkey’s cheekiest reference to it comes at the most unexpected moment.

Donkey and Shrek will go on plenty of dangerous and heroic adventures during the franchise, but Shrek finds the two of them braving one of the most unenviable threats of all. In their attempts to rescue Princess Fiona from the tower, they’re forced to cross a dangerous bridge surrounded by a dragon’s lair and brimstone. And that’s where Donkey makes the revelation that “donkeys don’t have layers. We wear our fear right there on our sleeves” — since, as it turns out, he’s afraid of heights.

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20 “I Go Down Smooth But I Come Out Fighting!”

Shrek: Forever After (2010)

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4/10 8.5/10 Shrek Forever After PGComedyFantasy

In the fourth film in the series, Shrek finds himself overwhelmed and wishing for the days when he lived a simple ogre’s life. He is tempted into a contract with Rumpelstiltskin to earn a day of the life he wants, but it turns out to have dire consequences.

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*Availability in US Release Date May 21, 2010 Cast Mike Myers , Eddie Murphy , Cameron Diaz , Antonio Banderas , Walt Dohrn , John Hamm , Jane Lynch , Craig Robinson , Julie Andrews , John Cleese Runtime 93 minutes Director Mike Mitchell Writers Josh Klausner , Darren Lemke

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When Donkey is very nearly cooked and eaten by the ogre resistance in Shrek: Forever After, he has some choice words for the cook, revealing that he may go down smoothly, but he’ll come out fighting. These Donkey quotes in Shrek are both a look at his resilience in battle and a funny joke about what might happen if anyone did happen to eat him — it wouldn’t be a pleasant experience after the fact.

This quote is quite indicative of Donkey’s character, who was more concerned with how he’d be digested than being eaten at all. Donkey has also proven himself much harder for any enemy to get rid of than they might first believe. Murphy’s hilarious delivery also goes to show just how perfect his casting was as this lovable cartoon donkey.

19 “I Just Know, Before This Is Over, I’m Gonna Need A Whole Lot Of Serious Therapy.”

Shrek (2001)

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One of the best and most underappreciated lines in the first Shrek movie is when Donkey says that he’s going to need serious therapy after having to keep Fiona’s secret. This quote is one of the funniest because it defies all logic that therapy would even exist in a fairytale land full of characters like Gingy and Pinnochio. At the same time, it’s easy to look back at childhood stories like Cinderella and see trauma and darkness that could be worked on in therapy.

Additionally, the quote is funny because it’s extremely relatable. While a child might not look at a situation and think that they need therapy, the stressors of day-to-day adult life could easily lead someone, even Donkey, to seek out therapy. This is a great example of a joke that’s written for the parents watching in the audience with their kids.

18 “I Like That Boulder. That Is A Nice Boulder.”

Shrek (2001)

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Donkey is a Shrek character of very simple tastes and one who is very easy to please. He manages to find the good in just about everything around him. When he finds himself in Shrek’s swamp, he’s just about the most positive individual Shrek has ever met, including some amazing color commentary from Donkey, who takes to flattering the ogre in just about every way he can.

While wandering around the swamp grounds, Donkey begins providing hilarious observations on the home decor elements of Shrek’s home: “It is lovely! Just beautiful. You know, you are quite a decorator. It’s amazing what you’ve done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.” But it’s the boulder comment that seals the deal, elevating his little monologue to a whole new level of hilarity.

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17 “And I Thought The Waffle Fairy Was Just A Bedtime Story!”

Shrek: Forever After (2010)

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There’s a reason Donkey’s association with waffles is the best-remembered aspect of his character. Donkey is known for his fascination with waffles, which is a running bit that stretches from the very first film to Shrek: Forever After. During that latter film, Donkey is surprised to find a stack of waffles sitting in a forest clearing, remarking that the Waffle Fairy is real after all. These Shrek Donkey quotes show how gullible the character is, while also emphasizing his love of the breakfast food.

As lovably dense as Donkey is, it is difficult for fans not to find the notion of a Waffle Fairy utterly hilarious. Of course, given the franchise’s fairy tale setting, it isn’t impossible to rule out the existence of such a creature, making Donkey’s greatest wishes come true after all.

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16 “[I’m] A Fancy Feasting Second-Rate Sidekick!”

Shrek The Third (2007)

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5/10 Shrek the Third PGAnimationAdventureComedy

Shrek embarks on a new adventure when he is tasked with finding a suitable heir to the throne of Far Far Away. Reluctant to become king himself, Shrek sets out with Donkey and Puss in Boots to locate the rightful heir, a teenage boy named Arthur. Meanwhile, back in the kingdom, Fiona and her friends face a coup led by the vengeful Prince Charming.

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*Availability in US Release Date May 18, 2007 Cast Mike Myers , Eddie Murphy , Cameron Diaz , Antonio Banderas , Julie Andrews , John Cleese Runtime 93 minutes Director Chris Miller , Raman Hui Writers William Steig , Andrew Adamson , Jeffrey Price , Peter S. Seaman , Chris Miller , Aron Warner

Donkey and the fairy tale character Puss in Boots have one of the best friendly rivalries in the Shrek franchise, which continues in Shrek the Third. In the film, the two accidentally switch bodies after Merlin casts a spell to teleport them back to Far, Far Away. Upon realizing his new physical state, Donkey takes the opportunity to take a jab at his friend.

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Donkey’s disgust and horror at having been turned into a cat are only elevated by his sheer distaste for Puss in general. “I’ve been abra-cadabra’d into a Fancy Feasting second-rate sidekick!” This would also mark the beginning of a fantastic running bit between the two characters as they continue to express their hatred for one another while inhabiting the opposite body throughout the movie. However, it was these Donkey quotes in Shrek that got the ball rolling.

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Shrek is the kind of ogre who is less scary and more silly. Throughout all of his films, he has delivered some really hilarious lines.

15 “Oh, I’ll Find Those Stairs. I’ll Whip Their Butt Too!”

Shrek (2001)

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When Shrek and Donkey go to the castle in order to find Fiona, Shrek mentions that they are looking for the stairs, and Donkey decides he will handle the stairs while Shrek takes care of the dragon. This spurs an entire monologue of Donkey rambling about conquering the stairs as if he’s talking about fighting a person. This monologue, and specifically the quote about whipping the stairs’ butt, is hilarious because of the tone in which he says the words.

Donkey talks about fighting the stairs in a nervous and fast-paced tone that relays how scared he is. This creates a dichotomy between the actual words and how they’re expressed. Moreover, the fact that he tries to act tough and strong is laughable when he so clearly wants to get out of there as fast as possible.

14 “Are My Kids Cute Or Do They Make People Uncomfortable?”

Shrek: Forever After (2010)

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One of the things that made no sense in the Shrek franchise is the romance between Donkey and Dragon, who meet in the first movie They have a litter of half-donkey half-dragon hybrids, called “Dronkeys,” at the end of the second film. However, when Shrek tells an alternate-reality Donkey about his children, the character responds with an appropriate question about their appearance. “Are my kids cute or do they make people uncomfortable?” he asks, which seems very self-aware for the alternate version of the character.

In truth, Donkey and Dragon’s children are horrifying creatures that have haunted the Shrek fan base for decades. Donkey was right to question the merit of these creatures, whose exploits really should get to take center stage if a fifth Shrek film ever hits theaters.

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13 “…I Bet You Ain’t Never Seen A Donkey Fly!”

Shrek (2001)

While Donkey may reveal his fear of heights later in the film, when he’s first introduced in Shrek, Donkey is shown flying through the air. When fairytale creatures are up for auction, Donkey’s previous owner tries to sell him off as a talking donkey, but a sudden burst of pixie dust makes Donkey able to fly, too. “Now I’m a flyin’, talkin’ donkey! You mighta seen a housefly. Maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly!“

All of the attendees at the auction are dumbfounded, including the guards and knights involved in the royal auction. But Donkey has never been happier, laughing hysterically as he floats through the air and gloats about being the first ever donkey to fly. Unfortunately, the joy is short-lived, as the pixie dust wears off in mere seconds. But it makes for a truly hilarious moment, and a great few lines, too.

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12 “Look Out! They Got A Piano!”

Shrek The Third (2007)

The character of Donkey is undoubtedly one of Eddie Murphy’s most iconic performances, in part because it allows him to utter lines that would make sense in very few other films. One such line comes during a fight sequence in Shrek the Third, as the villains reveal that they have brought a piano to the battle. As Donkey warned everyone that the villain had a piano, it made almost no sense, making these Donkey quotes in Shrek even funnier.

Donkey’s sheer fear at the arrival of a piano is bizarre and incredibly random but works perfectly in the context of the Shrek franchise. However, he turns out to be correct in his prioritization of the piano, as the villains all retreat once the instrument is destroyed. Sometimes Donkey quotes in Shrek make sense, even when they had no business doing so.

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11 “[W]e’re All To Be Known As Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron.”

Shrek The Third (2007)

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One of the funniest lines within the movie Shrek The Third occurs when Puss in Boots, Donkey, the Pigs, Pinocchio, the Gingerbread Man, and the Wolf all team up. They all disagree on the name of the team, so Donkey settles the disagreement by mashing all the names into one. The name Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron is hilarious for a few reasons.

Firstly, the name is far too long for its purpose. They could just as easily list out all the individual members of the team in the time it takes to say their team name. Additionally, half of the words in the name all mean the same thing. It’s hilariously redundant to use the words super awesome, cool, and dynamite all within the same name. Yet, without all these descriptors, the combined name wouldn’t be as lovably silly.

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10 “I’ve Got A Dragon Here, And I’m Not Afraid To Use It!”

Shrek (2001)

Once Donkey had successfully wooed the fearsome dragon that previously acted as Princess Fiona’s prison guard, he used it to crash her wedding to Lord Farquaad and put a stop to it by swallowing the villain whole. A stunned crowd looked on as Donkey uttered this quote, proving he had the goods to back up his threat. It was also very funny because Donkey was using his new loved one as the most dangerous weapon in the fight, and he knew it.

This moment would also set up a darkly comical plot device involving the slow death of Farquaad in the digestive tract of the dragon, which ended up taking a few films to accomplish, as revealed on the television special Shrek 4-D. If anything, that added a level of humor that no one expected to these fearsome Donkey quotes in Shrek.

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Related Shrek: The 10 Greatest Characters (& Their Best Quote)

The Shrek franchise put a fun spin on traditional fairytale tropes, and here are 10 of the series’ greatest characters, along with their best quotes.

9 “If You See A Long Tunnel, Stay Away From The Light!”

Shrek (2001)

Donkey can be a real worrier, and for good reason, given the sheer amount of insane obstacles and violence that he and his friends come into contact with throughout the Shrek franchise. But one of the first times he’s given a real reason to worry is when his new best friend, Shrek, is punctured by an arrow, and Donkey is made to think the injury could be something serious.

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While frantically starting to run away and find help elsewhere, an incredibly panicked Donkey exclaims, “Don’t die, Shrek! And if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!” His comment just elicits further irritation from both Shrek and Fiona but leads to a real moment of darkly snarky humor for the film that’s never afraid of embracing sarcastic humor in all forms.

8 “How In The Name Of Hans Christian Andersen…”

Shrek The Third (2007)

Body swapping and unexpected transformations are the bread and butter of fairytales, and the Shrek franchise is certainly no different. But far and away, the most unexpected and most hilarious example of this familiar trope occurs in Shrek the Third when Donkey and Puss in Boots find themselves suddenly swapping bodies as a result of Artie and Merlin’s magic.

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Since Donkey and Puss in Boots are still the series’ resident love-hate friendship at this point, the realization that they are now inhabiting each other’s bodies leads to some wonderfully snarky barbs. But none of them are more wonderfully meta and hilarious than Donkey’s quip that he couldn’t possibly ever walk in Puss’s ridiculous boots — a remark he makes “in the name of Hans Christian Andersen,” the master of fairytales himself. Donkey himself comes from Pinnochio, and his knowledge of fairy tales is always fun.

7 “I Can’t Feel My Toes. I Don’t Have Any Toes!”

Shrek (2001)

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Donkey can be quite an over-the-top character when he wants to be, and for that reason, a little bit of him can go a long, long, long way. Shrek and Fiona often get quite tired of him, and as a result, they have a bit more mean-spirited fun with him than they should. In an attempt to get Donkey to leave them alone, so they can go off in search of wood and food for dinner, Fiona and Shrek begin to make Donkey think something is wrong with him.

Of course, at the slightest suggestion of this fact, Donkey begins to spiral. After Shrek and Fiona both abandon him mid-spiraling, Donkey becomes totally dejected, culminating in his realization that, not only does he not feel his toes, he never had any toes to begin with. His sad little “I think I need a hug” makes for one of the film’s most laugh-inducing and aww-inducing moments of them all.

6 “…Fiona’s Father Hired A Sleazy Hitman To Whack You…”

Shrek 2 (2004)

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Donkey truly has a unique way of putting a positive spin on things, even in the most uncomfortably depressing of situations. Of course, his innate positivity often doesn’t help at all, considering the dry manner in which he delivers and recaps news. But the effort counts, just as it does in Shrek 2 when he and Shrek find themselves on the run.

After meeting Fiona’s royal parents, it’s apparent Shrek is now a wanted man, as he’ll never earn their approval. Things become so dire that Fiona’s father enlists an assassin to put an end to Shrek’s life altogether. As always, however, Donkey has some hilarious words to console his companion with — “Don’t worry. Things seem bad because it’s dark and rainy and Fiona’s father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you. It’ll be better in the morning.”

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