30 Best Quotes From Spaceballs

Summary

• Spaceballs
  is a beloved cult classic due to its hilarious parody of
  Star Wars
  and its wide variety of comedy and one-liners.
• The movie pokes fun at iconic
  Star Wars
  elements, such as the opening crawl, Darth Vader’s helmet, and the simplistic theme of good versus evil.
• Spaceballs
  also takes jabs at movie merchandising, sound effects, and references other sci-fi franchises like Star Trek, resulting in a fun and entertaining space odyssey.

The best Spaceballs quotes show why the 1987 Mel Brooks sci-fi comedy remains a cult classic decades later. Spaceballs is a parody of the Star Wars franchise, but the movie has established its own iconic status with its hilarious gags, from the fun references to the fourth-wall-breaking fun. The movie’s plot largely follows Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope. What makes Spaceballs a cult classic is the band of colorful characters and highly quotable dialogue throughout the space odyssey. Each character provides plenty of hysterical one-liners, with Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis) often responsible for the funniest Spaceballs quotes.

Using Star Wars satire for many of its jokes, Spaceballs is considered one of the best Mel Brooks movies because of its wide variety of comedy and a script packed with one-liners and gags that are hilarious even out of context. The most memorable Spaceballs quotes poke fun at the sci-fi genre and movie making in general, use hilarious puns, and embrace the wackiness of the characters to lambast much more than Star Wars. The result is a wide array of hilarious lines that give Spaceballs the reputation as one of the most beloved sci-fi comedies ever.

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30 “What Happened To ‘Then?'”

Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis)

The Spaceballs moment with Colonel Sandurz bringing out a VHS tape that was made of the completed movie before they finished shooting it was a good meta joke on its own. The characters seeing themselves at that exact moment in the film and turning to look at the camera was also funny. However, there is one bit of this gag in the movie that is often overlooked. Mel Brooks delivers his own Laurel and Hardy homage.

When Colonel Sandurz is fast-forwarding the tape, he goes past a scene that would help Darth Helmet and the two get into a conversation about the confusion between “then” and “now.” Darth Helmet has no idea what is going on with the fast forwarding and the idea of then and now. Still, it gets even funnier when Helmet is stuck only throwing out one-word questions, from “Why,” to “When,” to “How Soon,” to finally yelling out “Who?” when Sandurz talks about stopping their enemies. Rick Moranis’s confused delivery here was perfect.

29 “Are We Being Too Literal, Sir?”

Colonel Sandurz (George Wyner)

There is a moment where Darth Helmet and Colonel Sandurz are on the sandy planet looking for the escaped princess. While they are there, it pays homage to the scene from Star Wars: A New Hope, where Darth Vader sends the Imperial Troopers to search Tatoonine for the droids. In this case, Darth Helmet demands that his soldiers comb the entire planet. As expected, the soldiers are using giant combs to comb the sand literally.

That leads to this line where Darth Helmet and Colonel Sandurz are on the planet, following the orders from their commanding officer to comb the planet. When Sandurz asks this question, Darth Helmet responds that they are not “too literal” because they are doing what they were told. It then all ends with a perfect line when no one finds anything, leading to the last soldier, with a tiny hair pick, yelling, “We ain’t found sh*t.”

28 “It’s Mega Maid, Sir! She’s Gone From S*** To Blow!”

Colonel Sandurz (George Wyner)

There are some cases where a joke is so ludicrous that it should never work. However, in some miraculous manner, Mel Brooks is able to get it to raise laughs despite its ridiculous nature. That is the case with the Mega Maid. In this scene, President Skroob has ordered Darth Helmet and his crew to suck all the air out of Planet Druidia, where Princess Vespa’s father, King Roland, rules. Lone Starr realizes the enemy ship is turning into a giant robotic maid with a vacuum cleaner.

After Barf comments it is a “Transformer,” it starts to suck the air out of the planet’s atmosphere. Lone Starr uses the ring that Yogurt gave him to reverse the suction and save the planet. At this moment, President Skroob wants to know what is going on, and Colonel Sandurz delivers this brilliant line, which works because of its ridiculous nature as well as its double entendre meanings.

27 “I Always Have Coffee When I Watch Radar, You Know That!”

Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis)

One of the things that makes Spaceballs so funny is Rick Moranis’s comic timing. Few actors could pull off the silly roles he played during his career, from Ghostbusters to Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. However, his role as Darth Helmet might be his masterpiece. He was oblivious but also demanded that others treat him with respect, even if he was often the butt of most of the jokes.

His powers ensured everyone was scared of him, though. In this scene, Darth Helmet wants to be in complete control, but he has no idea what he is doing. As he wants to see the radar, he goes to the Mr. Coffee machine instead and is confused. When Colonel Sandurz explains the machine, Helmet delivers this line to cover his blunder in a way that only Rick Moranis could.

26 “What’s The Matter Colonel Sanderz? Chicken?”

Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis)

As Darth Helmet and his ship are closing in on Lone Starr, Barf, and Princess Vespa, he gets confused when they hit Hyperdrive. Wanting to catch them, he demands that his ship do more than light speed. He demands that they go to “Ludicrous speed.” Everyone is worried because it is very dangerous, so Darth Helmet delivers this line to Colonel Sandurz, which might be a product of its time but remains very funny, regardless.

The joke concerns Colonel Sandurz’s name. Colonel Sanders is the man who founded the fast food restaurant chain Kentucky Fried Chicken (now known as simply KFC). He was not only the founder but served as its brand ambassador, and his name and face became synonymous with the franchise. It is almost certain that when Mel Brooks named the character Colonel Sandurz, he was looking for a place to add this joke.

25 “If You Can Read This, You Don’t Need Glasses.”

Opening Crawl

The opening crawls in Star Wars movies are among the most iconic aspects of the franchise, so it was inevitable that Spaceballs would have its own take on the concept. The crawl initially is fairly straightforward and does its job of setting up the main story of the movie that is about to unfold. However, the audience knows there is a joke coming and sure enough, as the words get smaller and further away, Spaceballs reveals the entire opening crawl to be a standard eye exam.

Here’s the Spaceballs opening crawl in full:

Once upon a time warp…

In a galaxy very, very, very, very, far away there lived a ruthless race of beings known as… Spaceballs

Chapter Eleven

The evil leaders of Planet Spaceball, having foolishly squandered their precious atmosphere, have devised a secret plan to take every breath of air away from their peace-loving neighbor, Planet Druidia.

Today is Princess Vespa’s wedding day. Unbeknownst to the princess but knownst to us, danger lurks in the stars above…

If you can read this, you don’t need glasses.

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It is a fun way to kick off the Mel Brooks Star Wars spoof, and the text is expectedly hilarious. Not only is this high note to start Spaceballs on, it also showed early on just how dedicated it was to faux-accuracy when spoofing Star Wars. Audiences knew straight away that Spaceballs wasn’t going to just be a funny sci-fi movie that had a few nods to the hit George Lucas franchise, but was going to take direct punches at everything from the aesthetic to the format.

24 “I Can’t Breathe In This Thing.”

Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis)

Another Star Wars element Spaceballs pokes fun at is Darth Vader’s iconic helmet and labored breathing. Rick Moranis’s character, Dark Helmet, is the Spaceballs parody’s take on Darth Vader is responsible for many of the best Spaceballs quotes. The first appearance of Dark Helmet, complete with an absurdly oversized helmet and the familiar breathing sounds of Darth Vader, takes no time to poke fun at the Star Wars Sith Lord.

While Vader’s helmet was to save his life, it seems Dark Helmet’s headgear is a purely aesthetic choice and not very practical.

Darth Vaders breaths were one of the most iconic elements of the original Star Wars trilogy, being synonymous with its first main antagonist since his appearance at the beginning of A New Hope. It’s no surprise then that Mel Brooks chose to poke fun at this particular element of his character. Dark Helmet’s breathing gets increasingly labored until he opens up the helmet gasping for breath. While Vader’s helmet was to save his life, it seems Dark Helmet’s headgear is a purely aesthetic choice and not very practical.

23 “You Idiots! These Are Not Them! You’ve Captured Their Stunt Doubles!”

Captain of the Guard (Stephen Toblowsky)

Spaceballs was a successful comedy not just because it was a Star Wars spoof, but because it also appealed to a much wider audience than Star Wars fans alone thanks to its many generally funny moments. Brooks was a comedic powerhouse regardless of the specific genre, and Spaceballs wouldn’t be as fondly remembered if it focused solely on poking fun at George Lucas’s movies. Mel Brooks’ spoof movies were known for breaking the fourth wall, and this early Spaceballs quote from the Captain of the Guard played by Stephen Toblowsky is one of the funniest examples.

Spaceballs has several fourth wall breaks, and one of the best comes when the heroes are seemingly captured by Dark Helmet’s forces. However, it’s quickly revealed with this hilarious line that the prisoners taken by the guard aren’t the crew of The Eagle 5 but the stunt doubles of the actors playing them.

22 “The Ship Is Too Big. If I Walk, The Movie Will Be Over.”

President Skroob (Mel Brooks)

Filmmaker Mel Brooks also had plenty of acting experience, and he appeared in many of his movies, including Young Frankenstein and Blazing Saddles, both of which released in 1974. Spaceballs is no exception, and Brooks plays several characters in the movie. Mel Brooks’ role as Yogurt certainly makes for some hilarious Spaceballs quotes, but perhaps the funnier role is that of President Skroob.

President Skroob briskly walks past all the soldiers, almost breaking out into a run, explaining that the movie doesn’t have enough time for him to walk.

Meant to be a less threatening and more incompetent stand-in for Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars, Skroob even gets a moment like Palpatine’s entrance in Return of the Jedi. He arrives slowly walking down an aisle of stormtroopers standing at attention. In Spaceballs‘ version, however, President Skroob briskly walks past all the soldiers, almost breaking out into a run, explaining that the movie doesn’t have enough time for him to walk. This is one of the many moments in Spaceballs that blend jokes at the expense of Star Wars with 4th wall-breaking meta-humor about filmmaking in general.

21 “Now You See That Evil Will Always Triumph Because Good Is Dumb.”

Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis)

There are many quotes in Star Wars that are beloved by fans of the franchise but, when inspected too closely, don’t actually stand up that well (and this is definitely true of the original trilogy). As entertaining as Star Wars is, it has sometimes been criticized for being overly simplistic in its portrayal of good versus evil.Spaceballs leaps on that simple theme and has a lot of fun poking fun at the generic heroes versus villains story of the original Star Wars trilogy.

When Dark Helmet and Lone Star face off in the climax of Spaceballs, Dark Helmet’s argument for why his side is superior is hilariously childish, taking the subtext of Darth Vader’s attempts to sway Luke Skywalker to the Dark Side and delivering the message in the way a 10-year-old would. While modern Star Wars movies and TV shows have experimented a bit more with moral ambiguity, the original trilogy depicted this struggle in very un-nuanced terms, which this Spaceballs quotes hilariously lambasts.

20 “They’ve Gone To Plaid!”

Barf (John Candy)

While Spaceballs has some hilarious dialogue throughout, many of the funniest moments in the Mel Brooks movie are also visual gags, such as when the sci-fi movie takes a jab at how concepts like lightspeed are portrayed in Star Wars (and, to an extent, warp speed in Star Trek). Parodying the many space chase scenes in the Star Wars franchise, Dark Helmet’s Spaceball One chases after Lone Starr’s ship, the Eagle 5, by going to “ludicrous speed”, which proves to be far too quick for the pursuit speed that they actually need.

As Spaceball One speeds past them, Barf and Lone Starr are engulfed in a plaid-patterned light, referencing the way that the light of the stars starts to bend when lightspeed is engaged in
Star Wars
.

As Spaceball One speeds past them, Barf and Lone Starr are engulfed in a plaid-patterned light, referencing the way that the light of the stars starts to bend when lightspeed is engaged in Star Wars. It is a silly sight gag that is a reminder that some of the space-age jargon in these types of movies sounds ridiculous if the audience really examines it.

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19 “Spaceballs, The T-Shirt! Spaceballs, The Coloring Book! Spaceballs, The Lunchbox! Spaceballs, The Breakfast Cereal! Spaceballs, The Flamethrower!”

Yogurt (Mel Brooks)

Spaceballs is all about poking fun at Star Wars in a loving way, and the massive impact that the original sci-fi blockbuster made wasn’t just in filmmaking but in merchandising. A key reason Star Wars became such a cultural phenomenon was the sheer amount of merchandise available, especially action figures which became must-have toys for decades after the movies were first released.

This hilarious Spaceballs moment comes from Yogurt, another Mel Brooks character, who’s a play on Star Wars‘ Yoda. As Yogurt, Brooks takes the time to show off all the ready-made Spaceballs merchandise within the movie itself — capping it all off with a big blast from the flamethrower. Certain choices in the Star Wars franchise, such as the Ewoks, are seen by some as included only for merchandising opportunities. Spaceballs just takes a less subtle approach to that idea.

18 “I’ve Lost The Bleeps, I’ve Lost The Sweeps, And I’ve Lost The Creeps.”

Radar Technician (Michael Winslow)

Spaceballs contains a wide ensemble cast that makes use of some of the best comedic talents working in the late 1980s, including in relatively minor roles. Michael Winslow is best known to movie fans as Larvell Jones from the Police Academy movies, in which he got to extensively show off his abilities in mimicking sound effects with his own voice. Winslow makes an appearance as a radar technician on Spaceball One who explains the ship’s loss of function in the way that only Winslow can, simulating just what a “beeps”, “sweeps”, and “creeps” sound like with his amazing voice.

It’s a scene that would be more-or-less impossible to replicate without someone like Winslow, and stands as a testament to why he was such a beloved presence in every movie he appeared in.

It’s a scene that would be more-or-less impossible to replicate without someone like Winslow, and stands as a testament to why he was such a beloved presence in every movie he appeared in. The noises are accurate and instantly recognizable from endless sci-fi and space-set movies, and it’s unsurprising that Windslow’s brief appearance led to one of the best Spaceballs quotes.

17 “Lock One. Lock Two. Lock Three. Loch Lomond!”

Snotty (Jeff MacGregor)

Though most of the gags in Spaceballs are inspired by the Star Wars franchise, some other famous sci-fi properties are referenced throughout. One of the most direct references comes in the form of a teleportation technician named “Snotty”, who is obviously a nod to the character of Scotty from Star Trek. The lovingly named “Scotty” often shows his Scottish pride in Star Trek and so too does Snotty with this direct and silly homage to the character.

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A key reason Spaceballs is so much fun for sci-fi fans is that so many different franchises collide. Spaceballs takes direct aim at Scotty with the Snotty character, played by Jeff Macgregor. Not only is Snotty wearing a uniform that includes a traditional Scottish beret, he’s also responsible for this quick line that contributes nothing to the plot of Spaceballs, but is instead one of the many quick-snap throwaway gags Mel Brooks built his career on.

16 “Listen, We’re Not Just Doing This For Money. We’re Doing It For A S*** Load Of Money!”

Lone Starr (Bill Pullman)

Spaceballs’ leading hero Lone Starr is more a riff on Han Solo than Luke Skywalker. When Han Solo is first introduced, it’s clear that money is his primary motivator, although Harrison Ford’s character always appears somewhat reluctant to admit this about himself and recognizes it as something of a personality flaw. The same can’t be said for Bill Pullman’s Spaceball’s character Lone Starr, however.

The way he exaggerates the qualities of the swashbuckling reluctant hero archetype that is so popular in space operas is hilarious.

Lone Starr’s all-around scoundrel-like qualities are hilariously highlighted by this line as the crew of The Eagle 5 consider their perilous mission. As he convinces his loyal partner, Barf, of the benefits of their mission, the short-sighted Lone Starr may not come off as smart, but the way he exaggerates the qualities of the swashbuckling reluctant hero archetype that is so popular in space operas is hilarious.

15 “God Willing, We’ll All Meet Again In Spaceballs 2: The Search For More Money.”

Yogurt (Mel Brooks)

If there’s one thing Star Wars has become known for it’s the endless stream of sequels and other content that fleshes out the franchise, especially since the reigns were taken by Disney. However, Spaceballs was taking jabs at this fact all the way back in 1987. This hilarious Spaceballs quote comes as Yogurt bids farewell to the main characters after their meeting and sends them off with another of the movie’s more meta nods to the commercial success of Star Wars.

The fact that Yogurt is the character who is most interested in the money-making potential of the movie is even funnier given director Mel Brooks plays the role. Though Spaceballs 2 never happened, the fact Brooks finally made History of the World Part 2 means it’s still possible a Spaceballs sequel could appear one day, but until then this hilarious quote is the closest it’s come to being confirmed.

14 “Look, Your Highness, It’s Not That We’re Afraid. Far From It. It’s Just That We Got This Thing About Death. It’s Not Us.”

Barf (John Candy)

The cast of Spaceballs was a key reason for the movie’s commercial success when it debuted in 1987, and few stars featured in Mel Brooks’ Star Wars spoof were as famous at the time as the late John Candy. Candy played Barf, a Chewbacca parody, and it was an almost perfect casting choice. Barf is clearly a loyal friend, if not a particularly brave one. That’s part of what makes the John Candy Spaceballs character such a quotable one.

It is a hilarious moment of Barf explaining away his unwillingness to risk his life as simply being a matter of preference, as if death was like a type of food that just doesn’t sit well with him.

In this notably funny exchange, Barf explains to Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga) that, as reckless as he and Lone Starr seem to be, even they aren’t dumb enough to go up against the murderously uptight Spaceballs. It is a hilarious moment of Barf explaining away his unwillingness to risk his life as simply being a matter of preference, as if death was like a type of food that just doesn’t sit well with him.

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13 “Oh, No. Not Again.”

John Hurt

There were many smaller roles and cameos in Spaceballs, and Mel Brooks utilized the stars at his disposal with great effect. One of the best, however, was John Hurt, who was particularly well known at the time for his role in 1979’s Alien (this was decades before his appearances in the likes of Hellboy and the Harry Potter franchise). Of the many, many pop culture references made throughout Spaceballs, one of the funniest without a doubt is John Hurt’s cameo in the diner scene.

It is a short appearance, but one that sets up the obvious yet hilarious joke as he suddenly collapses and an alien bursts out of his chest. This is a direct reference to Ridley Scott’s iconic sci-fi movie Alien, but it’s the baby alien’s rendition of “Hello! Ma Baby” that adds an even stranger element to it. Hurt’s delivery of this Spaceballs quote is particularly hilarious, as he is in disbelief that such a thing could happen to the same person twice.

12 “Please, Please, Don’t Make A Fuss. I’m Just Plain Yogurt.”

Yogurt (Mel Brooks)

Spaceballs has a lot of fun playing on the iconic nature of the Star Wars characters, though Mel Brooks doesn’t focus so much on the parody aspect of the movie that opportunities for simple puns are missed. As Yogurt, Brooks delivers this simple yet satisfying one-liner play on Yogurt’s name in response to a chorus of praise from the crew of the Eagle 5 — delivering it with the total confidence that only Mel Brooks can give to such an obvious joke.

Lone Starr: Who hasn’t heard of Yogurt!

Princess Vespa: Yogurt the Wise!

Dot Matrix: Yogurt the All-Powerful!

Barf: Yogurt the Magnificent!

Yogurt: Please, please, don’t make a fuss. I’m just plain Yogurt.

It’s one of the simplest, and perhaps silliest, jokes in the entirety of Spaceballs. It’s also, however, a classic Mel Brooks line, and epitomizes the kind of comedy that made him such a success across his storied career. It’s one of several quotes in Spaceballs that show how perfectly the movie straddles the line between niche parody and general comedy.

11 “I’m A Mawg: Half Man, Half Dog. I’m My Own Best Friend.”

Barf (John Candy)

Played by the late film legend John Candy, Barf is clearly a parody of the iconic character of Chewbacca from Star Wars, being literally a half-man and half-dog creature with a wagging tail and a love for bone-shaped treats too. Spaceballs regularly leans into jokes about Barf’s race, both to poke fun at the concept of Chewbacca, and to get some general laughs.

One of the movie’s most simple yet effective gags.

One of the best Barf quotes in Spaceballs comes when he hilariously explains this and the pun at the center of his species’ name when he first meets Princess Vespa and Dot Matrix (Joan Rivers), delivering another one of the movie’s most simple yet effective gags. Candy also has a certain lovable quality that sells him as a humanoid puppy dog, making this Space Balls quote that much funnier. It’s one of several lines that may have been much less funny were it someone other than John Candy in the role.

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